I fixed Achillea. #amrevising

I know I’ve whined about my lost novel a lot in the past, but I don’t think I can quite convey to you just how tortured I’ve been for the story that was lost. A quick recap: My first novel was my attempt to save an abandoned fanfic brought about by my cowriter disappearing (now reappeared, 18 months later!) by scrubbing it up into a novel that was different enough from the canon as to be unrecognizable. I put a lot of work into changing up the world and the characters and adding a cast of original characters to really build my story into a place that was wholly mine.

Unfortunately, I failed. The story was excellent. The cast of original characters was ON POINT. None of my betas were disappointed and all without exception were starved for a sequel. HOWEVER, there were a couple of major, major plot devices that were canon from the fandom I’d written from and I hadn’t found a way to lose them in the original telling. I tested all of my betas on this point (because plagiarism is BAD and I didn’t want to be guilty of it) and all of them agreed it was safe from being recognizable.

And then Stella read it. And Stella disagreed. She pointed out 4 major points that would absolutely need to change and 1 point that was flawless (Heike, obviously. That bitch is fabulous).

I thought I was strong. I thought I had enough confidence and enough ability to bounce back from this like a champ. Yeah, I can fix this, I thought. But over the next few days, I was thoroughly defeated, and that feeling carried far into the spring and has never quite faded. I’ve played with ideas of how to fix Achillea, but nothing quite seemed right. As of today, that changes (see video).

So yeah. I know I’ve whined a lot, but even with all the whining I’ve done, it still isn’t enough to properly demonstrate just how destroyed I was for having lost this story. I can only blame myself, and it ruined me as a writer. The spark was gone. The confidence was broken. I simply–could–not. My art was tarnished. The ideas dried up.

October has been a blessing. I’m cured. I think I’m fully recovered now, and I’m ready for whatever the future brings.

Thank you for sticking with me, blog warrior. Your presence means so much! ❤


About oneofthedragons

Samantha K. Balk and F. R. Donaldson met on An Archive of Our Own, one of the many fanfiction sites online, when Sam asked Frankie to illustrate the fanfiction that would one day lead to Sam's first novel. They've been friends ever since! This blog was created as a way to share the oftentimes difficult journey any new author experiences on the uncomfortable quest of an introvert for attention to his or her most personal work. It is meant to remind you that authors don't just appear fully fledged like a George R. R. Martin, that all of us start out unsure and feeling inadequate. Feel free to ask us anything. Sam: Frankie:

Posted on October 27, 2015, in Sam Updates, Updates and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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